For Parents and Family
Sexual violence, relationship violence and stalking are issues that impact college campuses across the nation. ÀÖ²¥´«Ã½ University acknowledges this reality and is proud to be proactively addressing sexual violence and supporting students on our campus. The Center for Student Advocacy and Wellness is committed to educating students about consent, healthy relationships, and healthy sexuality, as well as providing survivor-centered, confidential support and resources to students who have experienced sexual violence, relationship violence, and stalking.
As a family member, you can play an important role in promoting healthy sexuality and addressing sexual violence with your student. Parents and family members can help by:
- Having open and honest conversations about healthy sexuality that is in line with your values and appropriate to your student’s current choices. Having an open line of communication and creating an environment where you student feels comfortable talking about their experiences on campus.
- Understanding consent as it pertains to sexual violence. Not saying “no” is not the same as saying “yes.” Furthermore, if “no” is not an option (due to coercion, incapacitation or any other factor) then “yes” is meaningless. You can read more about ÀÖ²¥´«Ã½’s definition of consent
Responding to Disclosures
If your student discloses an experience of sexual violence, relationship violence or stalking, it is normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to respond. While your response can have a significant impact on your student, you do not need to be an expert to help your student feel heard, safe, and supported. Below are a few strategies and tips for responding to disclosures.
- Tell them “I believe you.” This may seem simple, but many survivors are met with doubt and disbelief. The healing process is helped when they are believed and supported by the people they tell.
- Make sure they know this was not their fault. Sexual violence is never the survivor’s fault, but survivors often blame themselves or are blamed by others for having been abused, stalked or assaulted. It is important to convey that no matter what they did, consumed, wore, or any other factors, it was the perpetrators choice to harm and violate another.
- Manage your own emotions the best you can. It is okay and normal to feel a variety of emotions after learning that your child or family member has experienced sexual misconduct. You may feel sad, helpless, distraught, or even angry. It is okay to feel all of those emotions, but try to remain as calm as you can and refrain from outward displays of emotion. This can make the survivor feel like they need to take care of you, or manage your reaction.
- Don’t pry for details or make them share more information than they are comfortable with.
- Tell the student that they have options, and help them connect with resources if they are interested. While you may have ideas about what they should do now (go to the hospital, report to the university, seek counseling), telling a survivor what to do can often hinder their healing process. It is important for survivors to be in the ‘driver’s seat’ and decide which options to pursue, even if these are not the same options you yourself would choose. CSAW offers confidential advocacy services where students can explore their options and process their experiences in a survivor-centered space.
- Take care of yourself afterwards. Many community organizations that offer services to survivors also work with friends, family members, and partners of survivors. You are not alone.
Additional Resources