CENTER FOR STUDENT ADVOCACY AND WELLNESS

ÀÖ²¥´«Ã½ addresses relationship violence as 'dating/domestic violence' in its sexual misconduct policies. 

Dating and domestic violence are prohibited on campus and are defined as:  

"...Any violence (including but not limited to emotional, physical, sexual, [technological], and financial abuse or threat of abuse) between two people who are or have been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature...Domestic violence is violence between two people who are or have been in an intimate or romantic relationship, who share a child in common, or who live or have lived together as spouses or intimate partners. Violence against any person by that person’s caretaker or guardian (such as abuse against an elderly, young, or disabled person) may also be considered domestic violence."

Additional information on this definition, as well as information on reporting dating or domestic violence to the university, is available on the Sexual Misconduct and Title IX website. 

Emotional abuse, sometimes called psychological abuse, compasses all the non-physical behaviors that are used by a partner to control someone. Emotional abuse can include: 

• Threatening to physically harm someone, their family [including children], their pets, or threatening to harm themselves; or threatening to harm their reputation 
• Insulting someone’s looks, abilities, skills or achievements both in private or in public 
• Accusing someone of lying or cheating without proof or as an excuse to monitor or control their behavior 
• Minimizing someone’s concerns around their partner’s behavior, class and work stressors, or other issues 
• Blaming someone for any abusive behavior carried out against them including sexual or physical violence 

Economic abuse, which may also be called financial abuse, is using someone’s money, spending behavior, or financial situation to control them. Economic abuse can include: 

• Stealing money; using someone’s credit cards or meal plan without permission 
• Ruining someone’s credit or stealing their identity for financial purposes 
• Paying for things someone needs and using that to manipulate them 
• Making someone feel guilty about their financial or employment status 
• Refusing to pay bills or abide by other financial agreements in the relationship 
• Not allowing someone to work or sabotaging them at work 
• Coercing someone into sharing expenses that they can't afford 
• Forcing or coercing someone to pay for things they cannot afford through 

• Pressuring, guilting, or manipulating someone to have sex or to engage in specific sexual activities (i.e., through lying, begging, threats to break up, threats of harm or self-harm) 
• Using physical harm or drugs or alcohol to force or coerce someone into having sex or to engage in specific sexual activities 
• Threatening to or completed sharing private sexual information with others to harm a victim (i.e., sexually explicit photos or videos, STI status, information about someone's kinks or sexual preferences) 
• Sabotaging, lying, or using of force around birth control and safer sex methods to prevent STIs, including stealthing (i.e., secretly removing an agreed-upon condom) 
• Refusing to establish or acknowledge safe words during scenes or sexual activity 

Physical abuse is any unwanted contact with your body or any physical damage to you, your possessions, your pets, or your loved ones. Physical abuse is not always painful and doesn't always leave a bruise. The threat of physical abuse or the use of physical intimidation are powerful forms of control on their own. Physical abuse can include: 

• Hitting, slapping, kicking, or burning 
• Strangulation or choking 
• Grabbing, pushing, shaking, or restraining an individual 
• Physically blocking and preventing someone from leaving a space 
• Hurting pets 
• Damaging an individual’s property 
• Throwing things at or near someone; slamming doors, punching walls 
• Using or threatening to use weapons on someone or on themselves 

• Controlling who someone follows, is friends with, or speaks to online 
• Sending hurtful or threatening messages; making new accounts when blocked to continue contacting someone 
• Using social media or any kind of technology to track someone’s activities or whereabouts  
• Purposeful humiliation in posts online (i.e. ‘prank videos’ where an someone’s devastated reaction is shared for viewers to mock) 
• Sending or pressuring someone to send unwanted explicit content 
• Posting or sharing authentic or synthetic (i.e., deepfakes) explicit content of someone without consent  
• Stealing passwords or demanding access to someone’s devices and technology; looking through someone’s phone without permission  
• Constantly contacting someone, making them feel like they can’t be separated from their phone  

Reproductive abuse or coercion is behavior intended to maintain power and control related to someone's reproductive and sexual health. This form of abuse, like others, denies victims bodily autonomy, violates their boundaries and consent, and can leave them feeling trapped in a relationship. It often occurs alongside other forms of sexual abuse. Reproductive abuse or coercion can look like:  

• Pressuring a someone to use or not use specific forms of contraception  
• Sabotaging or interfering with use of contraceptive methods such as condoms, birth control, or Plan B  
• Coercing or forcing a someone to become pregnant, have an abortion, or not have an abortion against their wishes 
• Sexual violence can also be reproductive abuse or coercion if it involves acts such as stealthing (nonconsensual condom removal) or intentionally exposing a partner to a sexually transmitted infection (STI). 

Spiritual Abuse, also known as Religious Abuse, occurs when someone’s religious and/or spiritual beliefs [or lack thereof] are used to control or demean them. Spiritual Abuse can look like: 

• Preventing someone from engaging in spiritual practices or attending spiritual events through pressure, control, or sabotage (i.e. taking down alters, stopping someone from engaging in prayer, not allowing someone to attend services/rituals) 
• Shaming or threatening someone, with either physical or spiritual harm, based on their spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (i.e. telling someone they will go to hell for their beliefs) 
• Pressuring or forcing someone to convert to another’s spiritual belief system or to change/attend their place of worship 
• Utilizing spiritual beliefs, texts, and/or values [held personally or shared] to shame or control another’s behavior 

Stalking is a pattern of behavior, whether in-person or virtual, that targets a victim and causes them to feel fear and emotional distress. Stalkers are most likely to be former or current intimate partners, despite the popular belief that most stalkers are strangers to their victims. Stalking can look like: 

• Making repeated, unwanted contact with someone (i.e., phone calls, texts, emails, letters, presents, social media) 
• Following or spying on someone; showing up, driving by, or waiting around someone’s classes, work, or home. 
• Gathering information about or tracking someone (i.e., looking through your property, using investigation services, monitoring your social media use, installing trackers or spyware) 
• Posting information or spreading rumors about someone on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth. 
• Threatening to hurt someone, their family, friends, or pets. 

1. 1. Be aware of the resources available to you. 
   1. Know that you can access resources when you are ready and need them. Scheduling an appointment with CSAW may help you gain a better understanding of these resources and your options as well help you navigate through which ones may be the best fit for you. 
2. Talk to someone you trust. 
   1. Let a friend or loved one know about what you are experiencing. Relationship violence thrives in silence; sharing your experience is often one of the first steps to understanding if the behaviors in your relationship are healthy or not. You can also connect to a confidential resource, which are available on campus through departments such as CAPS, RSL, the Office of the Ombudsperson, and through the advocates at CSAW. 
3. Make a safety plan. 
   1. If you decide to leave the relationship, develop a safety plan (with a CSAW advocate if you choose). Abusive behaviors can often ramp up when someone leaves their partner; having a safety plan allows for you to feel more secure and in control as you move forward. A safety plan can include asking a trusted friend for help; signing off from or privating social media; finding a safe place to stay; obtaining a No Contact Directive through the university or a protective order through the state; and collecting resources such as money, emergency phone numbers, and a bag of clothes so that you can leave quickly. You can find some information and safety planning tools father down on this page. 
4. Be gentle with yourself. 
   1. You know your relationship best, and you can trust your feelings of danger. Remember that all your feelings about the relationship are still valid, including those of care and affection towards your current or former partner; allow yourself forgiveness and challenge feelings of self-blame. 
5. Make a report. 
   1. You have the option of making a report through the Office of Civil Rights and Title IX Compliance. CSAW staff can give you additional insight and support for this process. 

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that can help you better avoid dangerous situations and know the best way to react when you’re in danger. If you feel you are in danger due to relationship violence or stalking, whether you have reported to the police or ÀÖ²¥´«Ã½ or not, a safety plan can be an important step. If you would like to learn more about safety planning or to get help creating one, please make an appointment with a CSAW advocate. 
 
Remember, abuse is never your fault, and staff at CSAW and ÀÖ²¥´«Ã½ are here to help you. Options such as a no contact order, residential accommodations, etc. are available if you are interested. 

General Tips 

• If you are concerned about being stalked or monitored, discontinue checking in on social media and turn off location access for relevant apps. Be aware that a perpetrator can track computer and social media use. 
• When comfortable, communicate where you will be with family and friends you trust. Think through who you will call if you feel unsafe. Consider developing a safe word with them if you feel it is necessary. 
• Consider emotional safety planning by creating a plan for if you feel triggered by an event or an interaction with your partner that made you feel emotionally or physically unsafe. 

Some Safety Planning Tools 

If someone you know is experiencing relationship violence, learn how to support them as a friend, partner, faculty member, or parent.